i think the Christmas Spirit has gone somewhere but visit me
i can't help but feel nothing
a few months before the calendar showed December, i felt a little apprehensive for i kind of expect what this month will be for me...i am once again feeling and living the real-what-my-life-is...believe it or not, but behind this smiling eyes are tears roaming just around the corner...
i am really sad...
sad that i won't be spending this Christmas Eve with my mom and dad...
sad knowing that my big brother will be spending his Christmas Eve alone too...
sad that i am not even brave enough to let my tears show...
sad that i dare not even talk about and with the 'elephant in the room'
sad that i have to end and remember this year marked with a broken friendship
sad that separation is a reality way too painful
sad that i am sad
yet, i know that Christmas is not about emotions and capturing all the shiny glittering lights engulf you into feeling that wonderful Christmas Spirit...Christmas is more than that...it is remembering how God showed His love by giving Jesus to us...Jesus, Who came as a Babe to become the Man that will die on the cross for our sins...
God must have been sad too to let His Son leave Him and come to this world...
i have to feel this now though...ignoring this feeling would just lengthen this state...
but like everything else in this world, this will end too...
this will end
...
